as writer’s good-god-all-of-this-is-awful-what-are-you-doing-why-are-your-ideas-dumb.
If Raymond Chandler is right and a good story isn’t devised as much as it is distilled, maybe I just need a little more time to think these ones over. Or maybe it’s time to bring back some of the old goodies (Crow Boy’s been fermenting for like four years now).
Whenever I try to write, I hit a point where I think, This is dumb. Why am I working on this story again? I don’t know why I thought this was cool or even salvageable.
Climbing mountains is hard. Even climbing hills is hard, especially if you’re out of shape (metaphorically… and also actually). But for me, that mountain (aka Mt. This Is Dumb Abandon Your Project) lies in the first stretch of every one of my stories. And even if I give up and switch to another one, there’s still a mountain (its cousin, Mt. This Is Also Dumb Abandon This One Too,) waiting for me over there.
Recently it’s been really hard. I have no energy and it’s been hard to spend time outside of my own head long enough to enjoy people, or writing, or anything else.
Maybe I’m just distilling, though. And maybe it’s okay to bide my time and hibernate until the right mode clicks in, the stories unfold, and I remember again how much I love climbing.
[This is exactly how I feel about this whole naming-an-asian-american-theatre-troupe debacle.
I asked for only one thing: that whatever name we agree on couldn’t be construed as a playground insult. Or, you know, racist. Or that promotes erasure and stereotypes. Or is some Panda Express pseudo-fucking-what-white-people-think-all-of-Asia-is-like bullshit.
We asked for power and did a really damn good job justifying it, and instead we are offered the opposite.
Yeah, we can compromise. Yeah, you have valid points in your argument. But that doesn’t change the fact that said argument is still terribly offensive and most of those objections are really damn easy to fix and aren’t even a real problem and how dare you, really?
I keep thinking, I should not be this angry about this.
But then I think, Why shouldn’t I be? and I remember that I am angry. And I’m right.]
prompt: “In 25 words or fewer, write an opening sentence that foreshadows action to come.”
- loss of coordination/ability to walk in a straight line
- coherent thoughts in your head are not coherent outside of your head
- you can never remember the third point you were trying to make
darling, you don’t need to burn me a crown
of conquests and polaroided memories;
don’t raise me a throne or grant me titles.
I am no revolutionary’s wife,
no leonine riot queen, megaphone
of yellowed newspapers and the roaring blood
of every wronged child in hand—
nor am I the girl dangling limp in your arms
as you step from the flames, lips parted
like legs, strategically bruised
and makeup unsmudged.
do not don a mask for me;
do not sail through time and space for me;
do not ride dinosaurs and slay big bads just to bring me home—
either way, I am not your fantasy
sleek with laminate,
frozen and handy, with hinged
joints and posable limbs.
I am not the mermaid at the prow
of your cause,
your reactor core
or the catalyst of your hero arc.
I am no symbol, the face
of no movement but my own.
but darling, if you ever need me
know you can find me at the foot of the book shop
on Powell St., notebook in hand, spinning
my flesh and mind into my own honest story.
- do it.
- eat a lot, or eat a little. regardless of how much, eat. and don’t stop until you’re finished.
- stay focused on eating while eating.
- no matter how much work you have to do, eat.
- if it comes down to eating or homework, pick eating. homework can wait for another half hour.
- if the reason you don’t eat is that you’re an angry, anxious workaholic, remember that maintaining your health will help you focus better and produce quality work.
* for alternative guides, replace all instances of the word ‘eat’ with ‘sleep’ and ‘take personal time for your mental/emotional/sanity-related restorative healthcare.’
But still the game’s afoot for those with ears
Attuned to catch the distant view-halloo:
England is England yet, for all our fears—
Only those things the heart believes are true.
- 221b, by Vincent Starrett
time to spend some quality time with my favorite junkies and sociopaths
(no better time than when your head is full of green fairies)
1) go to bed early* (*1 AM)
2) write the first draft of a chapter of thesis work
after finishing 12 pages of essays.
I must be getting old, because these both sound really, really good.
- wear a pretty dress
- kick this essay’s butt
I’ve been bombarded by gifs from comicon and adverts for otakon over the past few days
and this keep striking me:
how crazy would it be to walk into a convention
and see a hundred people dressed up as you
from a time you were dressed up as someone else?
and then get chased down a boardwalk by them
because they love the character you play and the fandom you took part in creating?
that is absolutely insane and fantastical and the fact that this exists in a space specifically for it is a powerful, terrifying, wonderful thing. <3
this field requires that I be a hawk-eyed eternal salesman, an immer opportunist,
and somehow charismatic enough to make people believe in me and buy my products.
since few people will put faith in an ice queen or a stammering, nervous doofus, it looks like I’ve got a lot of hardcore socializing and persuasion practice to do.